Depression?

So according to lots of doctors, research, and studies, talking about your mental illness is a thing that helps.

Here we go:

I am suffering from depression.

Now here’s the thing another thing: I’m not suicidal or self-harming (and I’m so sorry if you are, I can’t even fathom).

I want to live, I love living, I just find it exhausting to live. Every single fibre in my body is exhausted and each weighs ten pounds. I haven’t cleaned my room in over a month because it takes all of my energy to just get dressed to go to work in the morning. It takes me days and my roommates getting mad at me to do the dishes and even when I do end up doing them I cry and get mind splitting headaches and back pain for an hour after.

For me, depression is very physical. Every time I get stressed, anxious, depressed, or even happy my body reacts more than the average person. I have two canker sores in my mouth right now from a stressful Saturday closing at work. My best friend had a serious kidney infection and I was so worried about her that I gave myself a fake bladder infection with all of the symptoms and had to go on antibiotics for two weeks. My final exam week I couldn’t get out of bed most days and I developed an ulcer.

Moral of the story is that all of these medical issues make me v anxious – I hate hospitals and I hate doctors they freak me out and I faint every time I go into a hospital.

So I’m going to therapy and I’m taking antidepressants and trying every single day.

Honestly I think I’ve done enough ranting for now but I think I’d like to keep this conversation going? Reading about other people’s experiences really helped me so maybe this will help someone too. I can always hope

 

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Journal: Back From Uni | Blogmas days 17-21

Hey everyone,

So I came back from university for the holidays. It’s been pretty bittersweet if I’m being honest. It’s great to see my friends and family here! But it’s also not great to be under the same roof as my mother again. Some relationships are better left with miles between them – and that’s totally okay. But my mother and I definitely have one of those relationships that need distance.

I’m 18 and I’ve been grounded without internet for the last 4 days…

Yeah.

I know that soon I’ll be back in Nova Scotia and my mother and I will be able to coexist peacefully from across the country. I think that right now I really need to grow as a person and that she isn’t always as understanding of that as she could be. We just need the space so that we can both be ourselves without overstepping on the other person.

I guess I really needed to get that off my chest..

Anyways, I’m going to continue to blog every day now although I’m sorry that there was a momentary laps in content ­čśŽ

 

Hope you all are well

Happy Blogmas babes,

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My Travel Dreams| Blogmas Day 10

Hey everyone!

My friend and I were talking about life plans last night; where we want to be, what we want to do, you know? So I started thinking about what exactly it is that I want to do later on in life… kind of a big topic.

After a lot of thought (and very little sleep) I realized┬áthat a really big part of what I want to do with my life is travel! I don’t care where I go or what I’m doing, I just want to see the world.

I’ve been pretty lucky in my life in terms of travel. I made a little map of all the countries that I’ve been to ­čÖé

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  • The Netherlands
  • Canada
  • US
  • United Kindom
  • Greece
  • St. Thomas
  • British Virgin Islands
  • Puerto Rico
  • Bahamas
  • Austria

 

10/196

I think 10 countries in 18 years isn’t too bad, but I can’t wait until I get to some more! Now I know I’ve already been to the U.K. but over Christmas I’m going to visit my family in London and I am so so so excited! ­čÖé

Travelling means… well the world to me. I love discovering new places, new people, and new traditions. I feel like a new person every time I get back from somewhere new and I want to keep rediscovering myself. I know that sometime during university I want to spend a summer backpacking through Europe – I think that would help get some of the travel bug in me satisfied (for awhile at least).

If you guys have any suggestions of where I should go and what I should see let me know!

Happy Blogmas babes,

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Finishing my First Semester of University | Blogmas Day 9

Hey everyone!

I am officially done my first semester of university! That’s actually so crazy, I can’t believe it.┬áAll in all this semester has been fantastic – obviously┬áthere’s been ups and downs (slaying my courses and feeling like I fit in, as well as bad veggie options and stressful study nights) ┬ábut would it really┬ábe worth it without them?

I love university, it’s absolutely where I am meant to be right now; I couldn’t be happier about it. I have worked so hard this semester because I love what I’m doing! It’s such a beautiful combination! Falling in love with the subjects I was taking was a huge part of my success this semester – and was a huge reason I wasn’t as successful as I feel I could have been in high school .

But that’s totally okay. I’ve realized that if I hadn’t struggled in high school with a lot of my classes, I wouldn’t have known what I wanted to do when I went on to uni. So I’m grateful for that.

I’m also grateful for all the support that my new uni friends have given me. As I’ve heard from most other university students, the friends that you meet here are game changers. They have made this semester so much fun, pushing me outside of my comfort zone in the best ways possible.

So, I still have a long way to go in terms of finding myself, figuring out what I want to do with my life, and all that hard life stuff – yet right in this moment it doesn’t matter.

Right in this moment I am so pleased with where I am

Right in this moment I am proud of what I have accomplished

Right now, in this moment, I am happy.

 

Happy Blogmas babes and cheers for 1 semester down and 7 more to go,

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My Day + Free Makeup | Blogmas Day 3

Hey everyone!

Welcome to Blogmas day 3! Today it’s late so I’m just going to give you guys a quick update on what went on today.

I had my quantitative methods (aka math) exam this morning at 9am. Yeah I know, it’s terrible, who has an exam at 9am?! I was honestly so stressed for this exam but it wasn’t that bad, I had an answer for every single question which is really really good. It was a three hour exam and I was finished after 2 hours and 20 minutes, which I’m super proud about. I tend to zone out a lot during exams but I made sure I was concentrating but also taking breaks when I need them ­čÖé

Then I fell asleep for 7 hours. I think I’m getting a cold, so I guess I needed the sleep.

To top that very exciting (NOT) day off I got some free makeup!! My friend’s cousin works at Shoppers Drug and gets a ton of free samples and gives whatever she doesn’t want to my friend – then my friend gives what she doesn’t want to us!!

P├╝r Cosmetics: Day Look Eye Shadow Palette

Obviously, this is a semi used palette so I don’t have the colour hope but that’s totally okay! I love all of the colours that I have in this and I’m super excited to try using them out. All of p├╝r cosmetics items are cruelty-free and this palette is also vegan! Yay!

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Covergirl: Simply Ageless 3-1 Liquid Foundation

This foundation is going to be a little bit dark on my skin but I also mix my foundations because I haven’t been able to find one that fits my skin tone exactly. Unfortunately Covergirl is NOT cruelty free – however, since I did not purchase this product, I’d rather it be used than have it be more waste.

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Also, I’m so sorry for the garbage quality of these pictures – I’ll have my camera so soon (check out my countdown widget hehe) and I’ll be able to upload super quality pictures with my content!

I’ll give you guys an update when I start using these products (I also might be going to Shoppers for some makeup tomorrow because I have a gift card┬áso it might be a haul post ahh)

 

Anyways, Happy Blogmas babes!

Natasha

Dealing with Disappointing Yourself

Okay so,┬áI just came out of one of my exams. An exam that I have been preparing for weeks and was completely prepared for. I had been getting nearly perfect in this class yet as I┬áwas working through my MS Access query for my mail merge I just couldn’t get part of it to work.

And I was sitting in that exam the worst thing for me was that I was disappointing myself. I knew how to do all of the material and I had very high expectations for myself. Honestly, disappointing yourself is one of the hardest things to come to terms with…

But I realized that not getting perfect didn’t matter. In university the A+ range is 90-100. That’s a huge… there is a ton of room to not get 100% and that’s a good thing.

Real life isn’t about 100%, seriously, no one gets everything right all the time

So I guess I just wanted to tell you guys that it’s very okay to not get 100%. It’s more than okay.

 

IT’S TOTALLY NORMAL

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Why is the bar way up there ^ instead of here where the normal people are.

Why do we set the bar higher for ourselves than we should?

Sometimes we all need to step back, reevaluate, and know that as long as we’re trying our best that’s all we can do.

 

All in all, I hope you guys don’t have to come to this conclusion during the middle of your exams (because it took like 7 minutes out of my exam time so like learn it now hun) – please please try to learn from my lesson?

 

Natasha

 

 

Journal: Day 1 Activity

Hey everyone!

Alright, I did it.. kind of late but I did it. Better late than never right? Here’s what I did today to stay active:┬ámuscles-clip-art-at-clker-com-vector-clip-art-online-royalty-free-vsdms6-clipart

  • 15 calf raises
  • 20 squats
  • 10 squats with weird leg raises in between
  • 20 high knees
  • 20 jumping jacks
  • 80 little arm circles (40 forward, 40 backward)
  • 20 big arm circles (1o forward, 10 backward)

I know it’s not a lot but I’m glad I did it! Everyone needs to start somewhere so this is where I’m starting out.

I hope everyone is having a good Monday and if you have any advice on staying motivated or small at home (in dorm) workouts, let me know!

 

Natasha

Journal: Athletics Attempts

Since the beginning┬áof September, I have been struggling with wanting to go to the gym and not having any motivation to do so. Of course, everyone goes through this at some point in their life and I’ve been trying to think of how I can do it; how do I make that kind of┬ácommitment to myself?

So I think I’m going to use my blog to force me into it. I don’t care what day of the week or how long I spend working out – but I’m going to do it. Once a week I’m going to give you guys an update on what I did and how I’m feeling because of it.

Oh my goodness when I took a break to start writing this I was scrolling through my facebook and saw this:14724626_10208665318334441_4182607880997232620_n

THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE ME I SWEAR MAYBE I’M GOING TO TRY RIGHT

Let’s see how this goes,

Natasha