So according to lots of doctors, research, and studies, talking about your mental illness is a thing that helps.

Here we go:

I am suffering from depression.

Now here’s the thing another thing: I’m not suicidal or self-harming (and I’m so sorry if you are, I can’t even fathom).

I want to live, I love living, I just find it exhausting to live. Every single fibre in my body is exhausted and each weighs ten pounds. I haven’t cleaned my room in over a month because it takes all of my energy to just get dressed to go to work in the morning. It takes me days and my roommates getting mad at me to do the dishes and even when I do end up doing them I cry and get mind splitting headaches and back pain for an hour after.

For me, depression is very physical. Every time I get stressed, anxious, depressed, or even happy my body reacts more than the average person. I have two canker sores in my mouth right now from a stressful Saturday closing at work. My best friend had a serious kidney infection and I was so worried about her that I gave myself a fake bladder infection with all of the symptoms and had to go on antibiotics for two weeks. My final exam week I couldn’t get out of bed most days and I developed an ulcer.

Moral of the story is that all of these medical issues make me v anxious – I hate hospitals and I hate doctors they freak me out and I faint every time I go into a hospital.

So I’m going to therapy and I’m taking antidepressants and trying every single day.

Honestly I think I’ve done enough ranting for now but I think I’d like to keep this conversation going? Reading about other people’s experiences really helped me so maybe this will help someone too. I can always hope




Journal: Day 1 Activity

Hey everyone!

Alright, I did it.. kind of late but I did it. Better late than never right? Here’s what I did today to stay active: muscles-clip-art-at-clker-com-vector-clip-art-online-royalty-free-vsdms6-clipart

  • 15 calf raises
  • 20 squats
  • 10 squats with weird leg raises in between
  • 20 high knees
  • 20 jumping jacks
  • 80 little arm circles (40 forward, 40 backward)
  • 20 big arm circles (1o forward, 10 backward)

I know it’s not a lot but I’m glad I did it! Everyone needs to start somewhere so this is where I’m starting out.

I hope everyone is having a good Monday and if you have any advice on staying motivated or small at home (in dorm) workouts, let me know!



Journal: Athletics Attempts

Since the beginning of September, I have been struggling with wanting to go to the gym and not having any motivation to do so. Of course, everyone goes through this at some point in their life and I’ve been trying to think of how I can do it; how do I make that kind of commitment to myself?

So I think I’m going to use my blog to force me into it. I don’t care what day of the week or how long I spend working out – but I’m going to do it. Once a week I’m going to give you guys an update on what I did and how I’m feeling because of it.

Oh my goodness when I took a break to start writing this I was scrolling through my facebook and saw this:14724626_10208665318334441_4182607880997232620_n


Let’s see how this goes,