Depression?

So according to lots of doctors, research, and studies, talking about your mental illness is a thing that helps.

Here we go:

I am suffering from depression.

Now here’s the thing another thing: I’m not suicidal or self-harming (and I’m so sorry if you are, I can’t even fathom).

I want to live, I love living, I just find it exhausting to live. Every single fibre in my body is exhausted and each weighs ten pounds. I haven’t cleaned my room in over a month because it takes all of my energy to just get dressed to go to work in the morning. It takes me days and my roommates getting mad at me to do the dishes and even when I do end up doing them I cry and get mind splitting headaches and back pain for an hour after.

For me, depression is very physical. Every time I get stressed, anxious, depressed, or even happy my body reacts more than the average person. I have two canker sores in my mouth right now from a stressful Saturday closing at work. My best friend had a serious kidney infection and I was so worried about her that I gave myself a fake bladder infection with all of the symptoms and had to go on antibiotics for two weeks. My final exam week I couldn’t get out of bed most days and I developed an ulcer.

Moral of the story is that all of these medical issues make me v anxious – I hate hospitals and I hate doctors they freak me out and I faint every time I go into a hospital.

So I’m going to therapy and I’m taking antidepressants and trying every single day.

Honestly I think I’ve done enough ranting for now but I think I’d like to keep this conversation going? Reading about other people’s experiences really helped me so maybe this will help someone too. I can always hope

 

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